Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Ambucked

I was working in my room this morning by the window when I heard a noise I'd never heard before. It sounded like an animal, but I just ignored it. It didn't sound threatening; it was outside; and I'm too busy to investigate (probably doing something VERY IMPORTANT like checking my facebook page).

However my husband came running down the stairs and said, "Hey! Wanna see some deer in the yard?"

I heard deer. Deer have vocal cords???

I raced up the stairs after him and we stare out the kitchen window as two more teenaged bucks bound into the yard over the fence. Deer bounding is a beautiful thing. I love to watch deer bound.

They just went along delicately pulling and eating the grass.

Everything deer do - they do it delicately. Even if they mutated into a 30 foot-tall gargantuan Deerzilla and went crashing through Manhattan, it would be more like prancing through Manhattan and everyone would stop in their tracks to watch the graceful, delicate sight.



Then one got bored and they started to this:

Gracefully.


Elegantly.



I don't know who won. They just - stopped. And went back to eating . . . delicately.



Until one of them really wanted his Momma. And he made that sound again! I was stunned - I had come to the resolve that deer couldn't speak. It sounds like a nasally. . . mwah. mwah.


Mwah. Mwah.


After three attempts at jumping back over the fence and losing his nerve, Momma answered him back and that was all the encouragement he needed to do this.



The moral of this blog: Facebook is evil and keeps you from having beautiful experiences in your REAL LIFE!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

A Tidbit

There is a tidbit about me I've only discovered recently the last few years I've had to live snow.

It's something I found I get a little pleasure from. So much pleasure, that it makes my mouth water a little bit.

Like when you're picking at a real big scab. (You scab-pickers know what I'm talking about)

I get so much pleasure from it that I try to find others to do it to. (But I only pick my own scabs. A girls gotta have limits).

It is this:

THIS is the wheel well of my car. As one drives around town snow and ice build up on the inside of the wheel well. In some cases I've seen it caked on so thick the ice almost touches the tire. (Insta-mouthwater)



I MUST kick them. I must!
I get SO much enjoyment out of kicking the sides of the wheel wells of my car and knocking those scabbies off that I have to do it to all 4 wheels. And I might get a little frustrated at my husband for kicking one or two. I mean, he knows I get some weird pleasure out of it - why take that away from me?
Is this too anti-climactic for you? Try it. Believe me, your mouth will water.


Sometimes, when I'm alone in a parking lot, I used to walk around looking for big scabbies to kick off. Until I realized one day I might set something else off and be sent to jail or something.

So now I just kick my own scabbies and my husbands scabbies. And sometimes my friends.



(This stuff just doesn't do it for me. I don't know why.)

Monday, November 16, 2009

Wintery Wonderwalk


Mike's been working a lot (graveyard shift - blech!) or else writing papers, studying etc. So we haven't seen much of each other lately. But fortunately he didn't have to work on Sunday . . . and church happened to be canceled, so I dragged him away from his computer claiming "Husband & Wife Time."

I wanted to mess up all that snow out there and make a snowman, but we remembered most of our stuff is still in Moab - so no gloves.

We went on a little walk instead. The temperature was nice enough. I still wanted a snowman, but Mike wasn't about to get his hands wet for that.
So I made . . .

Wait for it . . .

PUFF!
(he's a snowgnome)
Easily confused with the snowman. They have totally different facial features though. And he's mini. Look he fits perfectly on this fence post! PUFF likes to watch the river. (don't touch it.)



We found a few other things on our walk . . . a dandelion snow-puff.
When you blow on it, it spreads all around. This was really funny because it also spreads on your face! (the pic didn't come out) and I'm sure Mike wouldn't have done what I asked if he knew that would happen. It gave me immense ruptures of giggles though. (He did however make sure I got a taste of my own medicine - I won't go into detail, but has to do with fistfuls of snow and underclothing.)


Oh yeah another thing I've never seen before - a snowsnake! (dooon't touch it.)

Snowberries.
I slipped and almost face-planted in an ice puddle when taking these pictures, so I'm making sure to include it. Pretty though.


Anyway, I was able to enjoy the beauty in this unsummery season.


At least until I slid on a patch of black ice next to the car and landed ungraceful and non-ladylike on my back - feet up in the air.

Canceled Church???


So we had two snow storms come through over the weekend and just DUMP on us. (You can imagine how happy I wasn't) Thus, on Sunday, when we got up to get ready we were told - "Brother So-and-So called. Church is canceled."

Huh? They can do that?

So I texted members of my family to share the news.

And here is how each one responded. I think you'll find their personalities as funny as I did.


My original text: "Church was canceled. Too much SNOW!!!"

Meghan: "Omg. Why do you live there?? That's crazy."

Brandon: "What an excuse. Back in the day Mormons had to travel miles and die in the snow."

Dad: "Too much snow? How can there be too much snow?"

Sean: "So they decided to cancel everyone's salvation. That's cool."

Monday, November 2, 2009

Pardon Me . . .

I'm trying to fix the computer problem. As all of you have experienced at sometime in life, when the computer connections aren't working IT IS A PROBLEM. And you want to vent your frustrations in a fashion that is atypical to your usual character.

So now I impose upon all of you the problem of patience.

You Cancelled My Rafting Trip??

Sometimes Moab can have very strange weather. On this day the skies looked especially ominous. We had just driven our 40 passengers 45 minutes to where the rafting would begin. While the passengers waited for us to strap down all gear to the rafts and get ready for the trip a slight breeze picked up.

Moab is known for it's knock out wind storms in the Spring and Fall, but this was late June so we were probably going to be rained on, but we didn't think much of the "W" as most superstitious river guides called it. The main reason why we abhorred a visit from the "W" is because it almost always blew UP RIVER - the opposite direction we were trying to row. It was in those muscle-trembling, hand-blistering moments that I would always remember the words of my boss when I was first being considered for the job . . . "We have a great benefit package - free gym membership!" Very funny.

When we finished getting the boats ready and gathered everyone for our safety speech the breeze suddenly became stronger, so we talked faster and quickly started loading the passengers on the boats. Now I say "quickly", but if you've ever been privy to driving cattle (which I HAVE), oddly, you start feeling like a cowboy. Even though you're shouting out directions and herding them in the direction they should go, (and in this case even pointing with fingers and using head motions) they somehow end up in an area you didn't want them or just standing there dazed and confused.


Two boats were loaded with people and pushed off to make room for the loading of two more boats. The "W" had picked up significantly and was blowing the dirt from the banks into all open orifices, thus making it very difficult for everyone to breathe let alone SEE. The passengers all suddenly decided it would be better on the boat over the water where the dirt and dust wouldn't be such a bother. The effect was not unlike a very thirsty herd finally seeing the watering hole. I gave up and let the cattle trample. Usually the first two boats would be idlely floating just off the river bank to wait for the rest of the group, however on THIS day as I was busy with my European cattle proding for five mintues, I glance back to the river and see . . . No boats.

I lean over the river bank and look down river to see . . . No Boats.

I look UP-STREAM and see two boats full of people floating away and four inflatable kayaks paddling in circles or holding on to the willows. One guide was trying to row the direction of the river flow and was making very little progress at a physically tiring rate. The other guide was too invested in tying a few items down on her boat to notice.


We push our last two boats off the river bank and call out to the other guide to catch up as we start to row. The "W" was not to be shrugged off and ignored. In five more minutes NONE of the boats had made any progress and we were all working hard to stay in one place. The passengers in the inflatable kayaks (which we had advertised to them as totally safe, very fun and pretty easy to control) had looks of frustration and fear as they were pushed around the river surface. Hair was in our faces; communication and commands were quickly captured by the fierce "W" and shattered into tiny indecipherable fragments that no one could understand; white-capped waves blew upriver!

At this rate we knew we could never make it on time to the next ramp seven miles down-river for the afternoon passengers to join us. Slowly we rowed to the side of the river and let the "cattle" off and back into the buses. Boy, did they mooooo. "You mean you're canceling my river trip?!"

Many hats were lost to the river gods.
No cattle were injured in the wake of this event.